5 ways to ensure travelling FAIL

5 ways to ensure travelling FAIL

1. Taking along ill equipped travel companions

Just because you’re good friends with someone, doesn’t mean they’re fit to be spending several weeks (or even days) with at close quarters. Ask yourself this: Does this person come with annoying dietary requirements, high sickness susceptibility, a tendency for veering on the unadventurous side and/or is an ass-in-rod bean counter who keeps bugging you for that $2.34 you still owe him for a coke last week? You’re better off travelling alone.

2. Going on an extended holiday while in a serious relationship

Granted this very much depends on your personality, maturity and dedication to the said person. But if you happen to be young, adventurous and on your first trip to the other side of the world you’ll probably be kicking yourself. Remember that scene from The Simpsons where Homer walks through the Land of Chocolate with a look of delirious glee on his face? Well that’s how most young, single male travellers will feel in a Baltic nightclub – and likewise for young women at a Mediterranean beach party. On the other hand, those in all but the most committed relationships may well develop severely pronounced nervous ticks when finding themselves in such environments. This is an excellent breeding ground for resentment on both sides.

 

 

 

 

 

3. Going peak season to vanilla travel hot spots

So you’re planning a vacation in August to Rome, Paris or Barcelona? Well clap, clap for the handicapped. I hope you enjoy obscenely hot weather, monstrously overpriced amenities and vast hoards of fat nasally Americans, sock-in-sandal elderly Germans, snap happy Asians and every other 9th –level -of-hell tourist steriotype you can imagine. If this is the only time that you’re able to travel you should definitely consider going more off the beaten track – or save these places for another time of the year.

4. Failing to make any effort to adjust to your new destination.

If you’re advised not to flash your cash around in public, not leave your belongings unattended and not get drunk and stupid around security staff in certain countries – there’s probably a reason. Just because you can do x and y in your own home country without any worries, doesn’t mean you’ll get away with it in Bali, Russia, or Naples. We’re all allowed to grumble in some situations but tourists who go on about how ‘in my country we can do this, this, this’ make me want to commit homicide.

5. Packing a lot of shit you don’t need

You’re probably spending no more than a weeks tops in one location. Your burning desire to accessorize and mix and match will only be matched by the number of shits not given by anyone else. Space is a mad premium when you’re travelling and only things that you fundamentally need should be taken. If you’re bad at packing a bag, lay out all your clothes and then force yourself to cut it down to 30% of that. You don’t need 10 t-shirts and you don’t need 3 pairs of jeans.

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3 thoughts on “5 ways to ensure travelling FAIL”

  1. Haha this is great! And so very true. Love your writing style, Mike. Keep up the good work and hit me up when you’re in Serbia!

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