6 days in Sweden: The Good, the bad & the ugly

6 days in Sweden: The Good, the bad & the ugly


The Good:

Hana: my complimentary guide, cook and company for Stockholm

The first few days in Stockholm were fantastic: Very warm with blue skies – great for late August. It’s a really beautiful city: clean, crisp Nordic air, emaculate streets and a wonderful island hopping layout. Consider checking out the Nobel Museum, Town Hall, and the talent at infamous night clubs spy bar and Café Opera.

Stockholm provided me with my first can of V energy drink in over a year. Normally V is only available in New Zealand and Australia, so I’m not sure how it ended up getting supplied out of here – but I WAS eternally grateful. V is like my Popeyes Spinach.

I acquired two rounds of free accomadation. The first night I crashed at the apartment of a German girl (who’d I’d met in Riga) in Uppsalla, she had a boyfriend back in Germany but that didn’t stop us from fooling round a bit. Upsalla was pretty dead otherwise – it’s a university town and the term was out. The next night in Stockholm I stayed the night at a cute Swedish girls place (who I’d met in Parnu). Technically it was her parents apartment but as they were out of town we had it too ourselves. She made me some high quality Kottbullar after which we spent the majority of the evening engaged in various acts of sexual depravity, after each of which was followed by her saying, “ok now we haven’t done this room yet.”

The island of Gotland has to be one of the great hidden gems of Scandinavia. It’s certainly isolated enough, and the main medieval town of Visby is about as chocolate boxy as it gets. We were there for 3 days, the first of which was particularly stunning. If we’d gotten there a few weeks earlier we would have had a chance to get involved with the infamous ‘Stockholm week’, an all Swedish turbo party held in the last week of every July.

The sunset over the Baltic sea as seen from Visby. You tell me:


The Bad:

Relying on my friend Karo to book our accomadation in Stockholm. Of stupendously wealthy Polish/ Austrian parents, Karo is naturally generous and well-meaning, but also regrettably suffers from a gnat- like attention span along with a perennial facial expression which suggests a non-presence with regular worldly dimensions. Thus it came to my attention the day before going there that we had no place to stay in Stockholm.

Buying alcohol: Some time ago – due to a Swedish propensity for drinking themselves to death (or close to it) – the government stepped in to make the procurement of real alcohol more taxing than a business merger. While supermarkets are able to sell beer with a less than 3% alcohol content, all other drinks can only be purchased through sparsely distributed government controlled stores – open between 9 to 5 seconds per day.

Biblically Torrential rain on Gotland which resulted in me slipping over and slicing my ass badly. This required that I go the hospital and receive a local anaeatetic in said region while the cut was been dealt with. I could barely walk for the next few days and spent my last couple of days partially immobilized and drugged up. Upon returning to Italy I got presented with a 10,000 swedish kroner (1000) medical bill. I presumed my travel insiurance would pay for it but on a bureaucratic technicality – refused to do so. Southern Cross Travel Insurance – go kill yourselves. It yet remains unpaid…

Missing my evening flight out of Stockholm Vasteros airport on account of confusing my arrival and departure times via my drug addled state. The airport is located 90 minutes outside the city so I ended up staying an extra night in the airport hotel for a flight the next morning – which was at least reasonably nice albeit criminally expensive.

The Ugly:

The senior doctor who came bounding into the hospital room, brightly exclaiming “Hello! I’ve come to look at your bum!” while I was lying stomach flat, pants down on the examination table. Jesus fucking Christ.

What may happen to me if I return to Sweden, given my hefty unpaid medical bill from there.

The way you’ll be forced to view the majority of girls you see upon leaving Sweden. It’s a little heart breaking.

Visby, Gotland

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