The Krakow Plan

The Krakow Plan

The Krakow Pad
The Krakow Pad

The Krakow plan was always somewhat grandiose, and had been in development for quite some time. With a new found freedom and two friends in a similar position, the idea was to get a sexy, central apartment in a city we all revered – and forge out our own take on Utopia. In a nutshell, that would involve partying most nights, rising late, and putting in a few hours work in the day – all off the back of a generous exchange rate.

This was my first draft on the ‘freedom living’ front, so things naturally weren’t going to be perfect. It started off well enough. My friend Clay had even hooked us up with a short-term supply of Adderall in the interests of ‘super charging’ our productivity. But gradually things became one sided as the default override setting on of all of us was to get smashed and hook up with girls. In normal society, these inclinations would be restricted to a weekend or a few select nights a week – but such barriers no longer existed. Within a week, a typical day looked something like this:

2-3pm: Wake up
3pm: Eat something
4pm: Mooch around apartment
5pm: Watch 2 episodes of Entourage
6pm: Tinker with Adwords campaigns
7pm: More Entourage or Game of Thrones (I only just started watching this)
8pm: Start drinking
9pm: Dinner at Italian or Polish restaurant
10pm-12am: More drinking at apartment
12am-5am: In Bar or Club/drinking/”after party”/other
6am: Sleep

6am Roof 'Afterparty'
4am Roof ‘Afterparty’

As we’d all been to Krakow before, the tourist and cultural attractions had been exhausted. They’d be maybe one or two nights a week where we didn’t go out, but even these days were largely written off. Clay was still singlehandedly smashing a bottle of Soplica (Polish cherry vodka) on the nights that we didn’t go out, while Mitch spent more time asleep than awake. As for myself, I developed a permanent haze around my head, which only lifted when I was out drinking at night. Productivity became almost non-existent as we collectively reached new levels of hilarious degeneracy. A lot of it isn’t fit to publish, even by my standards.

The breaking point came 3 weeks deep on a Sunday evening when I spent an hour or so shuffling around the old towns encircling park – in the rain – in an attempt to try and snap my haze halo. I felt like Slurms MaKenzie from Futurama: :

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It was barely effective though, and I swore to sign up to the gym the next day and ease off the booze and late nights, even ambitiously aiming to get out of bed before midday.

What followed was a week where I’d felt better than I had in months. Ever since I’d arrived in Europe at the start of August, I’d been mercilessly shredding my system with booze, junk food, irregular sleep and generally keeping my immune system in ‘Challenge Accepted’ mode. It’s too bad that by the time I finally started to get some semblance of discipline and well-being back into my life, it was time to get back on the road again. In any case, I did pick up some lessons for next time.

None of this is to say that Krakow wasn’t good.

Hell no.

It was 5 weeks of relentless over-the-top fun and I will miss this fine city and its delightful damsels.

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